Me at 33

Yes, your twenties are tumultuous. No, it won’t last forever. Little thoughts from a writer, happily in her 30s.

Sundaze Book Café is the home of everyday magic, joyful living and conversations likely to be had over a hot drink with a friend in your favourite café, capturing the syrup-slow feel and glow of a Sunday. I’m Michelle, and I’ll be your host this Sunday.

A few weeks ago, I arrived at my fortnightly Reformer Pilates class and happily settled in on my usual bed. Moments later, a girl I recognised walked in. It was a girl I used to be acquaintances with in Year 7 at secondary school, aged around 12 or 13. Only a year or two later, she’d buddy up with the It Girls and ceaselessly bully me until my very last day of school. I hadn’t thought about her in years but, in that moment, my body and mind reacted on impulse, then… completely calmed down.

The other morning, I sat in the office, my colleagues rapt-eyed as I a) surprised them with my age, b) revealed I turned the big 3-0 during the worst of the UK lockdowns in the pandemic, and c) went through my personal checklist of why I absolutely bloody love being in my thirties and don’t really miss any part of my twenties and especially not my teenage years.

Fellow Substack writer Soph recently wrote a gorgeous piece all about living more authentically and liking herself the most she ever has, which is what inspired me to pen this one. In it, she so eloquently talked about the things she adores about herself and her life and how she chooses to spend her free time. It’s safe to say I adored it.

But I love who I am

I read plenty of Substacks from incredible writers lamenting their twenties – and teenage years! – and how they feel like they’re not enough or where they think they should be. And, as a perennial Eldest Daughter and big sister, how could I not share what my life is contentedly like now and reassure at least somebody that we all have our own paths?

At 33:

• I feel at peace with all the harder times I’ve been through. I don’t feel anger, sadness or like I should take revenge – thanks, though, random colleague that said I should have a hit list. Yikes.

• My weekends are divided between books, nature walks (then cosy country pub lunches), gym sessions, cook-from-scratch dinners and sometimes a wander of a new-to-us park/town/woods.

• Bedtimes are early-early, and so completely necessary.

• I still feel inadequate from time to time, but I have more self-belief and confidence than ever before.

• I’m not engaged, married or a parent yet – and that’s fine.

• I care more about the things that are important to me, and care less about the things that don’t.

• On that note, I can quickly distinguish what is and isn’t worth my energy.

• I didn’t feel like I was ‘doing things right’ in my twenties, yet here I am in my thirties anyway; thriving and perfectly content.

• I don’t drink, because hangovers are hideous at this age, I prefer driving so that I can get home safely on my own schedule, and like to keep consistent at the gym.

• My friendships feel safe and secure, and I’m my own best friend.

• After work, I have an excellent routine of reading Substacks, then preparing dinner from scratch, showering, quietly reading my books, sometimes writing a little, doing my skincare, and sleeping. No guilt here for plan-free evenings – this is the plan.

• I ran a successful copywriting studio as a freelancer in my twenties, and have now returned to a secure, full-time copywriting job. I love it.

• I live back in my hometown… and love the familiarity but constant newness.

All of this to say that your twenties are a tumultuous decade but those years won’t fully define you. Instead, I know it to be true that they gently guide you to where and who you’re supposed to be. We’re so terrified to unveil our true identity that we’ll hide behind memes, Reels, caricatures of the self we present to the outside world, hoping for a crumb, a shred of recognition or relatability or sheer herd mentality. ‘(If it helps, I’m completely sold that I’ve never had an original thought or experience!) We’re scared that we’re running out of time to do everything, but does everything need to be done? We jump from carefully curated aesthetic to aesthetic, profile picture to profile picture, 180-character bio to bio, under the guise that we’re so casual and carefree – instead, we’re desperate to immediately label ourselves and find meaning in all of this.

Do I sound like an auntie who doesn’t understand what it’s like to be young these days?

Mayhaps. But I know it to be true. We’ll all reach that sacred age where you’re simply content, no, excited, to be who we are. We’ll settle in, and happily settle with who we are.