Me at 34

I levelled up! More thoughts from a sentimental writer girl, happily in her 30s.

Sundaze Book Café is the home of everyday magic, joyful living and conversations likely to be had over a hot drink with a friend in your favourite café, capturing the syrup-slow feel and glow of a Sunday. I’m Michelle, and I’ll be your host today.

Sometime last year I belatedly shared a piece all about life, and I, was like at the age of 33. For some reason, society is largely negative or dismissive of people as they reach 30. And I was noticing more and more that people in their twenties were scared of not having done or accomplished ‘enough’ in their current decade. As a lifelong Eldest Daughter and big sister, I wanted to share how my life felt at 33 and it really resonated – it’s still my most-read piece yet.

Today, on Sunday 2 March 2025, I am 34.

I’m not sure if I’m where I thought I’d be at 34. Then again, does anybody feel sure about where they’ll be at any given time? Life and its many oddities is completely beyond anybody’s proper control, and that’s sort of the beauty and joy of it all.

When I was at secondary school, diligently filling out a careers quiz and highlighting the M.A.S.H.-style sheet about my future after school, I thought it was as easy as that, akin to picking my future off a menu. I’d be a writer, own the stucco-rendered six-bedroom house flanked by matching pillars and a symmetrical front, I’d drive a Mercedes-Benz, have a husband and two children. There, I handed the sheets in and eagerly awaited My Future™️.

Recently, as I unpacked our kitchen and lovingly filled the cupboards with my boyfriend, I took a moment to soak in that tiny moment and realised that life is really quite cool. Sure, I filled out that M.A.S.H. quiz around 20 years ago, but I’m not sure that I ever gave myself a deadline. Society did. At 34, I am all about leaning into how my everyday feels, how my life feels, how good I feel. I’ve realised that, sadly, society is more about how lives look to others, how useful you are to them.

Like I wrote last year, as a perennial Eldest Daughter and big sister, how could I not share what my life is contentedly like now and reassure at least somebody that we all have our own paths?

At 34:

• I have zero interest in performative stuff and I’m slowly breaking up with people-pleasing. Yay!

• Still, I care more about the things that are important to me, and care less about the things that don’t.

• My idea of a perfect evening is finishing work and returning home to slip into snug loungewear, sink my feet into plush slippers, turn up the smooth jazz, and cook an indulgent pasta dinner from scratch. Recreating Bancone’s kale and chilli rigatoni is the best idea I’ve ever had.

• Chatting to Gen Z-ers at work feels so enriching and worthwhile. I learn about the newest pop culture and linguistic updates, they marvel at my geriatric millennial ways and storied life experience.

• I’m really enjoying what I’m writing (personally; publicly; in my novel) for the first time since before the pandemic.

• I own a capsule wardrobe that works on my terms, for my lifestyle, filled with pieces that have stood the test of time. Truly, my Levi’s 501s circa 2013 are still going strong, as is my beloved Eudon Choi jumper. Caring properly for these investments also brings me a lot of joy.

• I’m not engaged, married or a parent yet – and that’s fine.

• Quietly using social media has been brilliant. I just log in once a fortnight (if that) to check in on friends’ activities, trips and content, then leave again.

• I’m still working on my identity journey, craving more representation of East Asian women in the Western world, and that’s okay. It’ll come.

• I just moved in with my boyfriend and I love it. It’s the first time I’ve ever lived with a partner!

• My friendships still feel safe and secure, and I’m my own best friend.

• It feels like my life was always supposed to play out this way.

• I finally enjoy running!

• My brother and sister remain two of my very best friends.

• Breakfast in bed on Sundays remains my favourite indulgence.

• I’m finally in my abundance mindset era.

• Taylor Swift continues to be my favourite artist for the 17th year running.

• I have a back pocket of go-to recipes, something I used to think was boring and mundane but now realise is useful and efficient.

At 34, I feel more ‘me’ than I can ever remember. About three weeks ago, I had a wobble (about friendship, what else?!). I’d celebrated Galentine’s with two utterly wonderful groups of friends and felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Hours and hours of time eating delicious food together and catching up about everything under the sun, mulling over bad days at work (mine), tricky house-buying woes (a friend’s), wedding invitation handouts (from another friend!!), and planning getaways in new relationships (another friend’s). Yet, when I returned home, I noted that a friend from a different group had unfollowed and blocked me on Instagram, another of them had now ghosted me for four days, the others completely disinterested in catching up. Finally, I’d reached a stage where I know that pouring into nourishing, two-sided friendships is how we move forwards. At the end of the day, it’s about who you could cry over dinner with and then erupt into fits of giggles moments after.

At 34, I’m not ashamed to love fearlessly; my partner, my friends, my family. I’m proud to give them as much of my attention and energy as I can. At 34, life is about how the everyday feels, not how it looks to others. Especially not how it looks to others. In many regards, I’m more private than ever, despite the gut-bearing essays that I write and share here most weekends.

All this to say that you can feel wholly like yourself and have a wobble, bad days, not everything feeling peachy. The two can be true – it just shows that you’re human. You feel emotions, deeply. You’re just human.