My Museum of Failures

Exhibiting my failures and vulnerabilities. What would be in yours?

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Sundaze Book Café is the home of everyday magic, joyful living and conversations likely to be had over a hot drink with a friend in your favourite café, capturing the syrup-slow feel and glow of a Sunday. I’m Michelle, and I’ll be your host this Sunday.

Recently, my friend Kristabel shared an Instagram Reel of her museum of failures and, never one to miss a self-deprecating content trend, I quickly followed suit. The idea of this trend is to share a handful of things you view as failure in your life, often with an age included. As somebody that has overthought their failures – and turned their mindset ‘round – time and time again in a year that felt plagued with stagnancy and uncertainty, I knew I wanted to share my own museum.

And, why not share it here too?

I pulled out of buying my first solo-owned place in January

Back in January, at the tender age of 32, I was in the throes of buying my first solo-owned property – a beautiful two-bedroom apartment with a balcony and airy, open-plan lounge-diner space. For whatever reason, I had a bad gut feeling just two days before exchange (when deposits are paid) and just moments after getting off the phone with my solicitor to confirm funds were ready, I freaked out, I called my mortgage advisor and he reassured me that it was completely fine to pull out. And so I did. For months, I felt deeply insecure that I’d finally gotten 99% there with my main financial and life goal, yet still couldn’t make it work.

Reframed: I achieved a huge financial milestone and secured the purchase of a property completely on my own, using my own income to apply for a mortgage. But, also, I had the courage to listen to my gut, knowing this apartment at that time wasn’t 100% right for me. In return, I’m now on the cusp of moving in with my boyfriend, I’m deep in my investing era and I’ve surpassed my original financial goals for 2024.

I moved back home early from my ‘new life abroad’ in Hong Kong

In 2014, I upped sticks and left my then-close knit circle of friends, a job I loved, and a boy I really liked to chase a lifelong dream of living abroad. I’d snagged a shiny new job – that I’d also come to love – all the way in Hong Kong, where my Mama was born. So, I moved across the world to live my best twenties’ life. But, just two years later, I had to move home because my Granny was seriously unwell. Sadly, I didn’t make it home in time for a proper goodbye.

Reframed: I got to live one of my dreams in my mid-twenties and experienced my favourite cities in some of the best ways. I am unbelievably lucky that my parents had already gotten my dual citizenship, making an international move very easy, and that I let myself be brave enough to move across the world alone when I could barely take important phone calls on my own. And, eventually, I got to be at home as my family learned how to navigate unchartered waters after a life-changing event – Granny was the matriarch of our family.

I can’t swim

Despite at least four courses of swimming lessons from babyhood to aged 18, I can’t swim. It’s embarrassing: a Pisces that can’t swim? But, also, an adult 33-year-old woman who can’t swim??

Reframed: I can’t swim, but I’ve given it many attempts. It’s a kind reminder that there are always new things to learn and fresh skills to pick up. Perhaps learning to swim is still in my future.

I didn’t remain close with anybody from university

The lack of a huge ‘girls’ group’ is an insecurity I’ve carried with me since childhood, and I’ve written about it many times. While I’ve made peace with a lot of this, I mostly feel like a failure because I don’t have any close friends from university. When I absentmindedly tap through Instagram and see old course mates’ wedding photos with other course mates as their bridesmaids and guests, I feel a pang of sadness.

Reframed: I remain friendly with plenty of people from university and, often, friendships are for reasons or seasons. My uni trajectory was a little different since I chose to focus on my blog – which was being nominated for the Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire Blog Awards – and interning at magazines around London. I’m incredibly proud of my early career and these friendships would’ve likely drifted regardless.

I wrote a blog for 15 years and it never won a single award

Reframed: I consistently wrote honest blog posts that spanned lifestyle, beauty, fashion and personal style for 15 years, collecting several award nominations from long-standing fashion magazines in the process. Although I didn’t win any, I stood out amongst thousands of websites. I was accredited press at London Fashion Week and was lucky enough to be seated at several fashion shows, including Eudon Choi, Ashish and Temperley. I made wonderful friends, worked with huge brands, and made an income purely from my own creativity and dedication.

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In reflecting on my perceived failures, I’ve given myself a lot of grace and forgiveness for years of berating myself. What one sees as failure, another sees as success, and my wonderful friends really lifted me up after posting this. And I could add another reframe here: I wrote a blog for 15 years and it taught me the beauty in being vulnerable and honest and open online. I built a magical community that supports one another and some of whom even transported themselves here, a brand-new-to-them platform.

What would be in your museum of failures? Hit reply or, better yet, share your own Substack newsletter with yours. I’d love to read and reframe it.