Everybody Has Bad Days – Just Not Me
On bad days and how I *do* have them but refuse(d) to admit it.
Last weekend, I woke up feeling sad.
Everything annoyed me and nothing would shift it.
Perhaps it was Mercury retrograde or perhaps it was because I was cornered by five men in a car park when trying to get my car washed or perhaps it was the Southport attacks then the Islamophobic anti-immigrant riots then the botched Taylor Swift attack in Vienna. (What can I say? Things have been wild recently.)
As an empath, Swiftie and second-generation immigrant woman, it’s been rough. From a drive on my own to hanging out with my sister, shopping with Mum to a ranting session with the girls, I just felt sad. I dropped my handbag and all of its contents as I got out of the car, got the handle of my groceries bag stuck in the door, and then I grabbed the wrong EV charger cable. Sad went to bad, and then, as usual, I just… simply shut down.
Everybody has bad days. I sort of understand that. In my mind, however, that doesn’t apply to me. Instead of accepting that feelings are not linear, I take it upon my Eldest Daughter self to have ‘it’ together all the time, to be happy and grateful all the time. I work on this a lot in therapy, but it’s difficult to admit that I’m only human: I also have bad days. Like the privilege police always say: ‘What could I possibly be sad or down or ungrateful for?’ I have a roof over my head, a stable job, and loving family and friends.
Sometimes, feeling sad, down, tearful or ‘bad’ is necessary. It’s normal to have bad days and not quite know what to do with the armfuls of emotion you’re wrangling. In fact, how wonderfully human? To have a broad spectrum of emotions and be able to feel –and, if you’re lucky, express – them? A few years ago, I had a whole string of bad days. An intrinsically positive person, it shocked me and I distinctly remember hating feeling bad or sad. Negative emotions simply weren't part of my personality as a then-mid twenties girlie. No siree. What is it about the digital age that has most of us clinging onto a supposedly (hopefully) unique part of ourselves? In a world where we are constantly being fed relatable content and finding that none of us have ever had an original experience, we sort of want to believe that we are the exception. Everybody has bad days – just not me. I was determined to be the exception, to romanticise my life so much that I'd never feel that level of sad again.
This sad chapter sparked a series on my blog that I named ‘Petite joys’. In it, I shared 10 joys from my life, little moments that made the big picture feel sparkly and great. This gratitude practice became a lifeline to me as I went through the worst period of my life, helping me to remember that not all days are bad – there are glimmers to be found everywhere. Capturing even just one joy each day truly does help to banish the blues, the bads, the sads. Small joys are gloriously easy to seek out: I write a list of them in my Notes every Friday. I find that my bad days typically happen when a Big Thing has happened, yet the little joys almost always balance them out. It's my favourite happiness tool.
Everybody has bad days – including me.
I love the idea of writing notes to yourself about the joys of life. There are so many big bad things out there that are beyond our control, and focusing on what we can control may seem hard. The dopamine menu thing that is going viral currently also seems like a good idea to apply here. Just make a list of happy things to do when you’re feeling sad. But on the other hand, we’re also allowed to just feel sad. We don’t always have to fix it 🤗