Great piece. Unfortunately, friendships don’t last like we think they will. I was ghosted by a friend of 20 plus years a couple of months ago and don’t know why. Tbh, I think it was a long time coming and no longer working to maintain a long distance relationship. As shitty and cowardly as it is, some former friends will drop you for no particular reason. Instead of admitting you are not vibing anymore, people would rather move on without any conversation. Sorry that happened to you and it’s best to wish those former friends well and move on. Make room for those friends who care about you.
This was so hard to read and I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I honestly have no idea how we got to this point in society where ghosting has become the norm, it's unbelievably hard to deal with. Sending you a big hug.
Thank you. Tbh, I am not overly upset nor surprised about this person ghosting me. There were signs for quite some time I overlooked and hindsight is 20/20. Ghosting became normalized thanks to social media and I think most people are about convenience these days. People spend more time on their phones than spending time in person. Also I believe Covid lockdowns exacerbated ghosting as it was easier to lose those low quality friendships. Unfortunately people don’t seem to care about loyalty anymore.
Like others have commented, your experiences and feelings around friendships resonate deeply. Thank you so much for sharing, and reminding me I’m not alone in finding aspects of friendships (or not-really-friendships!) challenging. Wishing that you receive the same kindness and support you offer to others in return ❤️
I relate to this so much. I only have one friend besides my husband and am always trying to prepare myself for the day she leaves, because all my friends leave. Thank you for helping me feel seen. I felt this so deeply.
No no no, you DO know how to be a friend, you're a wonderful person and whoever gets to be your friend is very lucky. Perhaps you've gravitated toward the wrong people, and that's the issue. Or maybe it's that friendship just isn't what we're told it will be. The majority of my closest friends right now are people I've met in the last three years, because those are the people that are in the same stage of life I'm in. I have school friends, but we catch up very rarely now. Most of the people that were so important to me that I had them in my bridal party are people I don't really see anymore. I don't speak to anyone from university, and rarely to any of the people I had very intense friendships with in London. I still have so much love for all of those people, we're just in different places now. It's just life, I think. There are people that will be there forever, but most people won't. And that's OK. Friends are for a reason, a season, or for life. You are doing just fine.
(Sorry if that sounded dismissive, it was meant to be encouraging!)
Friendship is definitely not what I imagined it to be, but when it works, it's better. I feel so thankful for the friendships I have in my thirties and how all our lives enmesh. Forever trying to patch over my abandonment trauma, but I think I'm getting there!
I really saw myself in this post and I experienced the same thing growing up and through my 20s. I do still worry about being left behind by my small circle of best friends even now.
Just catching up on your posts. :) I can relate to struggling with friendships. I've had friends "turning on me" for what felt like no reason. When I was 14, my best friend just suddenly stopped speaking to me overnight and I never found out why. I never quite got over it.
On a happier subject- hope you had a wonderful Chiristmas! Happy New Year! ❤️
I'm so sorry you're part of the club. It's just the worst heartbreak, isn't it? Reading all of these beautiful comments has helped my healing process though, and I'm endlessly grateful for these virtual connections we've all built.
wow Michelle this was beautiful and it’s incredibly comforting that you (and many others) experience things like this that I do too. As much as I enjoy doing things alone, there will always be a part of me that longs for “my girls”.
Thanks so much Kylee ❤️ I'm glad that so many people have found comfort in this piece, despite how collectively heartbreaking it's been for us all. You're so right: Substack has the essence of what I'd always imagined a supportive girl gang and friendship group would be like.
Thank you for sharing this Michelle, I resonate with your story, could feel your pain. I'm the only child to boot, so my issue is every social interaction is a learned one for me, as I didn't have a role model my age (elder siblings) to help me with. I've always been navigating life pretty much alone as my parents' ideas quite often clash with mine. This inner child's wound of "being picked last"— holy moly I just realised this as I was typing my comment—echoed throughout the years: a pair of close friends I saw in junior and senior years, a pair of close friends I saw in uni days, then at work, etc... I always felt I was left out until it became my identity of being lonely.
Thanks so much Sekar. I can empathise with this as the eldest daughter/sibling! I'm not sure what sort of friendship example I've set for my younger siblings, but they do seem lucky enough to have great friendship groups!
Oh this broke my heart! Kids can be so cruel, but so can adults. I could feel the pain in this one and I know it all too well. I used to do all of these things too—the postcards (I still do those!), the just because treats, etc and I think because it never felt fully reciprocated in my twenties, in my thirties I kind of went fully the other way to know I'm pretty sure I'm just not a good friend at all, and have written about that side of things too. But like you, I always really longed for a close knit group of girlfriends like in the movies!
Thank you for sharing this and just know it's heartbreaking but beautifully written and I just know so many of us feel this way. <3
I think I'm finding my way slowly: friendship in my 30s has been tricky but beautiful. It's hard being left behind, but quite lovely to find people who I truly gel with and get to share tokens of our time together with!
that's such a nice way to look at it. It is hard in your 30s, everyone's lives are either so busy or just don't gel in terms of lifestyle or life stage or time. It's so much to balance but I think there's some small comfort in even knowing we're mostly all trying our best, even if those things don't align.
Whew, this made me tear up. I've written something for today about female friendship groups, as I see so many people blessed with them. Though I was 'in' one at school I was never really 'in' it - I was one of the outliers who would sit with them at lunch, but would never go to the inner party sleepovers.
Friendships are fickle and beautiful and can be heartbreaking too. For what it's worth, I bet those friends look back on that Christmas and feel horrible for how they treated you.
Thank you for sharing this piece. You've written so beautifully and openly about a subject I'm sure so many can relate to.
Loved loved LOVED your post today Soph, I think this time of year definitely drags up a lot of feelings around friendship. To be honest, I half don't know what I've missed out on? I pine for SATC moments but know that fiction never matches up anyway.
Life right now feels pretty nice, and I'm grateful for my little circle of friends. All the heartbreak and loneliness was definitely worth it for the friends I hold so close now ❤️
Thank you for capturing the complex feelings I myself have around friendship and recovering from friendship breakups that don't get a neatly-tied-ribbon ending. This is exactly what I needed to read today. ♥️
Thanks for taking the time to read, Lindsay. Friendship breakups are so overwhelming and all-encompassing, aren't they? I fear I'll never get over this one.
So overwhelming. I’ve been learning that there are many kind people in the world, though, who are ready to receive our friendship, and will give us the best gift of all - which is their own promise of friendship in return.
Michelle, this made me cry. What a beautifully written piece of art. I've had plenty of experiences almost identical to this, and I'm sure quite a lot of people will see themselves in this piece too. Friends like you are rare and that's why the world needs you! Thank you for writing this 💕
Oh Ella!! Thanks so much for reading my lil ol' words. I've always kept this story to myself, like it's a big shameful secret. Honestly don't think there's much worse than the feeling of being forgotten, then 'broken up' with.
Great piece. Unfortunately, friendships don’t last like we think they will. I was ghosted by a friend of 20 plus years a couple of months ago and don’t know why. Tbh, I think it was a long time coming and no longer working to maintain a long distance relationship. As shitty and cowardly as it is, some former friends will drop you for no particular reason. Instead of admitting you are not vibing anymore, people would rather move on without any conversation. Sorry that happened to you and it’s best to wish those former friends well and move on. Make room for those friends who care about you.
Thanks so much Jane ❤️
This was so hard to read and I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I honestly have no idea how we got to this point in society where ghosting has become the norm, it's unbelievably hard to deal with. Sending you a big hug.
Thank you. Tbh, I am not overly upset nor surprised about this person ghosting me. There were signs for quite some time I overlooked and hindsight is 20/20. Ghosting became normalized thanks to social media and I think most people are about convenience these days. People spend more time on their phones than spending time in person. Also I believe Covid lockdowns exacerbated ghosting as it was easier to lose those low quality friendships. Unfortunately people don’t seem to care about loyalty anymore.
Like others have commented, your experiences and feelings around friendships resonate deeply. Thank you so much for sharing, and reminding me I’m not alone in finding aspects of friendships (or not-really-friendships!) challenging. Wishing that you receive the same kindness and support you offer to others in return ❤️
Thanks so much for reading, Megan! I'm glad you felt seen and I'm sending you all the love.
I relate to this so much. I only have one friend besides my husband and am always trying to prepare myself for the day she leaves, because all my friends leave. Thank you for helping me feel seen. I felt this so deeply.
Thanks for your comment Ari, and I'm sorry you're in the same boat as so many of us. Friendship is oddly fickle, isn't it?
No no no, you DO know how to be a friend, you're a wonderful person and whoever gets to be your friend is very lucky. Perhaps you've gravitated toward the wrong people, and that's the issue. Or maybe it's that friendship just isn't what we're told it will be. The majority of my closest friends right now are people I've met in the last three years, because those are the people that are in the same stage of life I'm in. I have school friends, but we catch up very rarely now. Most of the people that were so important to me that I had them in my bridal party are people I don't really see anymore. I don't speak to anyone from university, and rarely to any of the people I had very intense friendships with in London. I still have so much love for all of those people, we're just in different places now. It's just life, I think. There are people that will be there forever, but most people won't. And that's OK. Friends are for a reason, a season, or for life. You are doing just fine.
(Sorry if that sounded dismissive, it was meant to be encouraging!)
Thanks Charlotte ❤️
Friendship is definitely not what I imagined it to be, but when it works, it's better. I feel so thankful for the friendships I have in my thirties and how all our lives enmesh. Forever trying to patch over my abandonment trauma, but I think I'm getting there!
I really saw myself in this post and I experienced the same thing growing up and through my 20s. I do still worry about being left behind by my small circle of best friends even now.
Thanks for reading, Rachel ❤️
Just catching up on your posts. :) I can relate to struggling with friendships. I've had friends "turning on me" for what felt like no reason. When I was 14, my best friend just suddenly stopped speaking to me overnight and I never found out why. I never quite got over it.
On a happier subject- hope you had a wonderful Chiristmas! Happy New Year! ❤️
Zania
Ah hi Zania!! So good to see you here ❤️
I'm so sorry you're part of the club. It's just the worst heartbreak, isn't it? Reading all of these beautiful comments has helped my healing process though, and I'm endlessly grateful for these virtual connections we've all built.
Hi Michelle, it's nice to connect in this space! ❤️
Thanks, sorry that you've gone through it too. It does help when others understand. Yes, the internet is a great resource for building connections.
Hope you had a lovely New Year! :)
wow Michelle this was beautiful and it’s incredibly comforting that you (and many others) experience things like this that I do too. As much as I enjoy doing things alone, there will always be a part of me that longs for “my girls”.
In a way, Substack sometimes feels like that ❤️
Thanks so much Kylee ❤️ I'm glad that so many people have found comfort in this piece, despite how collectively heartbreaking it's been for us all. You're so right: Substack has the essence of what I'd always imagined a supportive girl gang and friendship group would be like.
Thank you for sharing this Michelle, I resonate with your story, could feel your pain. I'm the only child to boot, so my issue is every social interaction is a learned one for me, as I didn't have a role model my age (elder siblings) to help me with. I've always been navigating life pretty much alone as my parents' ideas quite often clash with mine. This inner child's wound of "being picked last"— holy moly I just realised this as I was typing my comment—echoed throughout the years: a pair of close friends I saw in junior and senior years, a pair of close friends I saw in uni days, then at work, etc... I always felt I was left out until it became my identity of being lonely.
Thanks so much Sekar. I can empathise with this as the eldest daughter/sibling! I'm not sure what sort of friendship example I've set for my younger siblings, but they do seem lucky enough to have great friendship groups!
Oh this broke my heart! Kids can be so cruel, but so can adults. I could feel the pain in this one and I know it all too well. I used to do all of these things too—the postcards (I still do those!), the just because treats, etc and I think because it never felt fully reciprocated in my twenties, in my thirties I kind of went fully the other way to know I'm pretty sure I'm just not a good friend at all, and have written about that side of things too. But like you, I always really longed for a close knit group of girlfriends like in the movies!
Thank you for sharing this and just know it's heartbreaking but beautifully written and I just know so many of us feel this way. <3
Friendship and its loss is so cruel, isn't it?
I think I'm finding my way slowly: friendship in my 30s has been tricky but beautiful. It's hard being left behind, but quite lovely to find people who I truly gel with and get to share tokens of our time together with!
that's such a nice way to look at it. It is hard in your 30s, everyone's lives are either so busy or just don't gel in terms of lifestyle or life stage or time. It's so much to balance but I think there's some small comfort in even knowing we're mostly all trying our best, even if those things don't align.
Whew, this made me tear up. I've written something for today about female friendship groups, as I see so many people blessed with them. Though I was 'in' one at school I was never really 'in' it - I was one of the outliers who would sit with them at lunch, but would never go to the inner party sleepovers.
Friendships are fickle and beautiful and can be heartbreaking too. For what it's worth, I bet those friends look back on that Christmas and feel horrible for how they treated you.
Thank you for sharing this piece. You've written so beautifully and openly about a subject I'm sure so many can relate to.
Loved loved LOVED your post today Soph, I think this time of year definitely drags up a lot of feelings around friendship. To be honest, I half don't know what I've missed out on? I pine for SATC moments but know that fiction never matches up anyway.
Life right now feels pretty nice, and I'm grateful for my little circle of friends. All the heartbreak and loneliness was definitely worth it for the friends I hold so close now ❤️
Thank you for capturing the complex feelings I myself have around friendship and recovering from friendship breakups that don't get a neatly-tied-ribbon ending. This is exactly what I needed to read today. ♥️
Thanks for taking the time to read, Lindsay. Friendship breakups are so overwhelming and all-encompassing, aren't they? I fear I'll never get over this one.
So overwhelming. I’ve been learning that there are many kind people in the world, though, who are ready to receive our friendship, and will give us the best gift of all - which is their own promise of friendship in return.
Oh I love this Lindsay ❤️
Michelle, this made me cry. What a beautifully written piece of art. I've had plenty of experiences almost identical to this, and I'm sure quite a lot of people will see themselves in this piece too. Friends like you are rare and that's why the world needs you! Thank you for writing this 💕
Oh Ella!! Thanks so much for reading my lil ol' words. I've always kept this story to myself, like it's a big shameful secret. Honestly don't think there's much worse than the feeling of being forgotten, then 'broken up' with.
<3
♥️