Nothing to Complain About

On contentment and milestones and supposedly HAVING to complain about something, anything.

Sundaze Book Café is the home of everyday magic, joyful living and conversations likely to be had over a hot drink with a friend in your favourite café, capturing the syrup-slow feel and glow of a Sunday. I’m Michelle, and I’ll be your host this Sunday.

“Ooh you don’t know what you’re in for!”

“Now you’ll have to pick up behind him!”

“Just wait until you see the real him, and have to make all of his dinners…”

On and on (and on) the villagers’ voices¹ went when I unveiled my exciting news: I was moving in with my long-term partner after three years together. Perhaps I am simply a sensitive, sentimental writer girl, but I couldn’t help but wonder why it has become so normalised to drench other people’s happy milestones with a wash of negativity?

I paused for a moment.

Nervous laughter.

Had I self-loved and gratitude-listed too hard and tricked myself into thinking I’m in a safe, secure, balanced and nourishing relationship? Had I accidentally stepped into a time machine and ended up in the 50s?

I was generously sharing elated news about a life milestone.

And what is it about British culture, or a cultural shift today, that means you should probably be complaining about at least one thing about your partner or life, lest it be too happy and enjoyable?

In fact, I recently realised, too, that many people are predisposed to expect negativity. One Monday morning, I replied: ‘A lovely weekend thanks, good food, good friends – nothing to complain about,’ and was met with derision and disbelief. In fact, ‘nothing to complain about’ is inherently seen as a bad thing. We should be moaning about something and making it a badge of honour.

I don’t believe so.

My ‘Open-hearted joys’² posts first began on my blog in 2016 when I lost my incredible Granny, the matriarch and sun of our family. What started as a coping mechanism turned into a shiny new mindset that carried me through my twenties and transformed my outlook on life. Instead of letting myself be consumed by the one bad thing weighing my day down – grief, dropping my breakfast, worrying about work – I would note down three good things about my day, no matter how small. Nine years later, the work I put in has been life-changing. Of course, everybody has bad times. But there are plenty of things to be happy about and thankful for. In capturing the little joys of my equally little life, I naturally sparked a positive sentiment in my days and that gratitude really does come back to me. I don’t think I quite believe in manifestation, yet it sure believes in me.

Months in and I can confirm that moving in with my boyfriend has been a wonderful, magical and natural next chapter of our relationship. If I’m honest, those negative comments from before have weighed on my mind.

Perhaps I was naive and stupid and hopeful.

Yet all I can think of is that I was ‘in for’ days full of love and laughter and building a life and home together. Evenings of quietly pottering, cooking dinner together and catching up every minute moment of our days. Weekends where we tackle another house project. Weekends where we don’t, and we make time to indulge in date night or visit friends and family. I don’t pick up after him; he probably picks up after me and my forgetful brain. We divide the work, tick something off the list if we’re already doing something similar or in the vicinity. Moving in together has been utterly joyful and strength-building.

Thank goodness for my ability to drench unsolicited comments with a wash of positivity.

1. Family, colleagues, acquaintances. I don’t live in a village!

2. A series I now share on Substack every Friday, capturing 10 happy things from my life in the past week.